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Not only am I a Thai and my husband a New Zealander, we are 20 years apart in age. It has certainly given us some serious challenges. Ask Me Anything!

Kultida
Jun 17, 2017

It is said that communication is the key to a good marriage so perhaps our greatest challenge is with language. But we keep working on it.

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How did you meet?

Jun 18, 7:15AM EDT0

We met in a book shop. I was looking for an English Grammar book and He was looking for a Bangkok map. He could not communicate with a shop assistance and I didn't know which book should I buy. Then, I heard him spoke English so I asked him for an advice and he asked me for my assistance and phone number.

Jun 18, 3:35PM EDT0

Hi, do you work together?

Jun 15, 3:10PM EDT0

Yes, he is a self-employed and working from home. I am his assistant.

Last edited @ Jun 16, 5:07AM EDT.
Jun 15, 11:14PM EDT0
Show all 3 replies

Given your experience so far, would you recommend marriage to someone in a similar situation as you?

Jun 15, 11:00AM EDT0

I can not fully recommend because everything has advantages and disadvantages. I can point out some of the advantages, I found which are: 1. I can see through two sides of the different culture. Then, combine the advantages of both culture together to make it beneficial to our life. 2. Experiences of being younger and older can be advantageous for working point of view. We can teach each other.

Jun 16, 5:20AM EDT0

Did you have any qualms about marrying a foreigner?

Jun 15, 7:34AM EDT0

At first, I was qualm. Leaving everything including my parents behind are quite hard. Especially in my culture, I should look after my parents and be near them. That is the only thing which I concern about.

Jun 16, 5:38AM EDT0

Which was the biggest issue between you which rocked your martial boat?

Jun 15, 1:08AM EDT0

He gains more experiences due to he is older than me. He just wants me to listen and act on what he says.

Jun 16, 5:43AM EDT0

Have you ever repented your decision regarding your life partner?

Jun 14, 11:47PM EDT0

Sometimes. It's probably normal for couples.

Last edited @ Jun 16, 10:16PM EDT.
Jun 16, 5:44AM EDT0

Which was the biggest challenge or a letdown as your husband is 20 years older than you?

Jun 14, 10:00PM EDT0

People who don't know us may think that I married him because of money.

Jun 16, 5:48AM EDT0

What advice would you give to people considering a marriage with someone from another country?

Jun 14, 3:33PM EDT0

Never stop learning, and be a good listener.

Jun 16, 10:18PM EDT0

Was your family helpful and considerate given the challenges in your married life?

Jun 14, 3:21PM EDT0

Not really. My husband and I always talk and come up with solutions by ourself. It is awkward to get my family involve becuase my husband's age is close to my parent's age.

Jun 16, 7:30AM EDT0

Do you have the same interests?

Jun 14, 3:16PM EDT0

I guessed, we do. We love technologies, gadgets, business and funny enough we love the same breed of dog.

Jun 15, 11:21PM EDT0

How did you and your spouse adjust to differences in your lifestyle?

Jun 14, 2:13PM EDT0

We have similar life style before we met. So, it is not that difficult for us but we need to work on the communication and attitude.

Jun 15, 11:24PM EDT0

Which country did you decide to make your home and settle down in post marriage?

Jun 14, 12:25PM EDT0

I decided to settle down in New Zealand until I don't have anybody here with me. Then, I will go back to live in Thailand.

Jun 16, 7:34AM EDT0

Hi! was your wedding organised in the Thai style?

Jun 14, 8:25AM EDT0

Yes, It was the Thai style in the morning; started from 8.00 am to 1.00 pm. Then, the Christain style in the evening; started from 6.00 pm. onward.

Last edited @ Jun 14, 9:36AM EDT.
Jun 14, 9:32AM EDT0

What kind of adjustments did you have to make due to have cultural differences?

Jun 14, 5:54AM EDT0

It could be food. My digestion is still not good with bread and some of western food. I love spicy Thai food. I am lucky that my husband come half way to let me cook Thai food at home.

Jun 16, 8:06AM EDT0

What kind of challenges did you both face so far in your married life?

Jun 14, 5:10AM EDT0

We faced the challenge of language at the beginning even though I speak English but we both feel like my English is not in the deeper level. It is hard for emotional expression in English. Especially arguments put me into a difficult situation, I will never win :). the way of thinking in the western world is different from Asian world. That leads to the different perspective of how to grow up childrens and food different.

Jun 14, 10:07AM EDT0

Hello, so what are your plans for the future now?

Jun 14, 4:59AM EDT0

Now, I have a baby. I am planing to stay in New Zealand and learning along with my baby. Be possitive and keep working through obstacles.

Jun 16, 8:10AM EDT0

Hello! Are there any funny stories concerning you both?

Jun 14, 4:20AM EDT0

I have a lot of funny stories due to the culture diffrent. I will tell you one story here. In the city like Bangkok, you would not see anybody running on the street for exercise. It is a busy and narrow road where is not much space for running. It is normal to see dogs live on streets. My husband loves running on streets here in New Zealand and it is normal to do so. He went to Bangkok one trip and decided to go running on a street. That was enough to catch people's eyes. Not only people around the steert looked at him dogs also looked and chased after him. That was a great work out day for him if you know what I mean.

Jun 16, 7:55AM EDT0

In your opinion if parents are of different nationalities should they teach their children both languages?

Jun 14, 1:23AM EDT0

In my opinion, Yes. It is the benefit for childrens. For my case, my Mom and Dad want to talk to their grandson and they don't speak English. I also think that my son might want some experiences in Thailand when he grows up. His life will be easier if he could speak Thai.

Jun 14, 10:19AM EDT0

How much do you believe has this marriage lived up to your expectations?

Jun 14, 12:10AM EDT0

50/50 at the moment but we are working on it.

Jun 16, 10:29PM EDT0

What attitude is there to marriage in your country, on the whole?

Jun 13, 10:58PM EDT0

On the whole, It would be wise to think carefully. It is probably easier to manage if there is only one factor. When it comes to the combination of two factors, It is definitely harder. Having said that, I would not get emotional expression just like I get from my husband compare to Thai men. I'm talking about romantic.

Jun 17, 12:46AM EDT0

Hello! What are your ideas about having children?

Jun 13, 7:41PM EDT0

We have a baby together.  My baby will learn and adapt to the 2 different cultures faster than us.My baby spoke the first word in Thai even he was born in New Zealand. I mainly talk to him in English but turn on nursery rhyme in Thai on TV. So, that is interesting.

Jun 16, 10:25PM EDT0

How difficult was it to come to a decision regarding your country of residence?

Jun 13, 6:20PM EDT0

It's difficult for me. I am a girl of my family who needs to look after my parent back in Thailand. It's so hard to leave them there and set up a new family.

Jun 16, 10:27PM EDT0

Given a choice, would you again opt to marry your New Zealander husband?

Jun 13, 3:33PM EDT0

Yes, I like challenges and solving problems, maybe.

Jun 16, 4:36PM EDT0

What kind of adjustments did you have to make due to your age difference?

Jun 13, 3:18PM EDT0

I have to be a good listener. When people get older, they have so much of experiences to share.

Jun 16, 8:16AM EDT0

Did both your families help you settle down as a couple and live a happy life/

Jun 13, 3:16PM EDT0

My family who lives back in Thailand can not do much but his family here has been a great supportive.

Jun 16, 8:18AM EDT0

What kind of cultural differences did you have to face post marriage?

Jun 13, 1:41PM EDT0

 

We have the different way of looking at things because of different culture and environment. Here is an example: I alway aware of walking through places where has big long grass or rocky.That because we have snakes in Thailand but not in New Zealand. We went to Namibia together and my husband wanted to walk back to our accommodation through darkness and rocky area. I warned him of danger but he didn't believe me.

Jun 16, 11:36PM EDT0

Do you and your husband belong to different religious institutions?

Jun 13, 10:54AM EDT0

Yes, we do.  My husband is a Christian and I am a Buddhist.

Jun 16, 8:20AM EDT0

What did you do to resolve any disagreement or disputes in your married life?

Jun 13, 8:25AM EDT0

It is a Thai style which is keep quiet and talk later. I know it is not what westerners want but I do not like arguments beside I can't argue fast enough compare to English native speakers.

Jun 16, 8:24AM EDT0

What kind of expectations did you have from this marriage?

Jun 13, 6:02AM EDT0

I expected us to be a successful couple in term of working through problems. That would lead to a successful business.

Jun 17, 12:26AM EDT0

Did you face any family opposition given that your husband is from another country?

Jun 13, 3:08AM EDT0

Yes, we both did. My father and his father did not agree with our marriage. My father point of view was he did not want me to live far from the family. His father was concern about what kind of food would I cook for my husband.

Jun 16, 8:28AM EDT0

Did both of your families ever create obstacles to your happy married life?

Jun 13, 2:06AM EDT0

Yes at the beginning,  our both family concerned about marriage outside of the culture. Nowaday, we passed that point.

Jun 16, 8:29AM EDT0

Do you think a family should be big?

Jun 13, 1:40AM EDT0

Personally, I believed in Quality not a quantity.

Jun 14, 10:28AM EDT0

Which was the biggest challenge you have faced as a couple?

Jun 13, 1:24AM EDT0

Difference perspective cause us arguments.

Jun 17, 12:22AM EDT0

Hi! Are there any traditions in your country that your husband was surprised to learn about?

Jun 12, 11:34PM EDT0

I have. Thai culture is quite reserved. Hugging, kissing (on a cheek) in public are imappropriate.

Jun 17, 12:05AM EDT0

What kind of a role has your husband played when problems cropped up in your marriage?

Jun 12, 11:02PM EDT0

I let my husband be a Leader since he is a lot older than me.

Jun 16, 8:32AM EDT0

hello do you believe in fate?

Jun 12, 9:10PM EDT0

I guessed I do.  I didn't look for anybody after broke up from a previous relationship till my husband came along. I never thought I would marry with a foreigner and moved out of my country. Also, I accepted his proposal within a year which is quite quick. We had so many dejavas together during the first year of the relationship; just like we have known each other longer than 5 years.

Jun 16, 11:47PM EDT0

How did you two meet and what prompted you to get married?

Jun 12, 8:47PM EDT0

We met in a book shop. I was looking for an English Grammar book and He was looking for a Bangkok map. He could not communicate with a shop assistance and I didn't know which book should I buy. Then, I heard him spoke English so I asked him for an advice and he asked me for my assistance and phone number.

Jun 14, 10:34AM EDT0

Hi there! How do you like to spend free time together?

Jun 12, 8:26PM EDT0

I am enjoying learning a lot things from him.

Jun 16, 8:34AM EDT0

What did you do to overcome the challenges and reach a mutually satisfying solution?

Jun 12, 7:56PM EDT0

Talk it through together. If the first time has no success, just raise the issue up again and again. The important things are both parties got to have an open mind, ready to listen and patient.

Jun 17, 12:18AM EDT0

To you, what are main challenges of living with a foreigner?

Jun 12, 7:29PM EDT0

Communication.  If I can communicate better, the gap of misunderstanding and culture would be closer.

Jun 16, 11:48PM EDT0

How many years has it been since your marriage?

Jun 12, 7:28PM EDT0

6 years

Jun 14, 10:35AM EDT0

Do you have kids and if yes, was it easy to make decisions regarding their upbringing?

Jun 12, 3:14PM EDT0

Yes, we have a baby together. It is not easy becuase diffrent believing and style of growing up children are different due to country and culture. For example, I would not let my toddler run around outside of the house without putting shoes on. I am worried about parasites or germs especially in Bangkok. But my husband is not worry for the clean-green New Zealand.

Jun 16, 8:40AM EDT0

What caused more problems between you and your spouse, the age difference or the cultural differences?

Jun 12, 2:46PM EDT0

I think it is the age difference. A priest talked to us about how the age difference could be challenging. One of them is "People have less patience when they get older", he said. 

Jun 16, 11:56PM EDT0

How has been your married life so far given the adjustments you had to make?

Jun 12, 2:34PM EDT0

It's going well and better after we have a baby together.

Jun 17, 12:03AM EDT0

I always liked guys older than myself, can't figure out why? ...

Jun 12, 2:16PM EDT0

I understand how you feel. Maybe because of older guys are mature, wise, stable. The most important is we look young amount olders :)

Jun 14, 10:44AM EDT0

What role did both of your immediate families play in your marriage?

Jun 12, 1:42PM EDT0

My husband is a leader and I am a follower.  I let it happend this way because he is a lot older than me.

Jun 16, 10:39PM EDT0

Have you ever had to face racism, prejudice or discrimination for being a Thai, post marriage?

Jun 12, 12:57PM EDT0

Not exactly. I think it more like the different way of looking at things. For example, Thai people would visit a Thai friend's house for cooking and eating without time limitation. My husband would talk about that. The culture in New Zealand, visitors should know when to leave according to a specific time by the host.  Well, I understand both cultures.

Jun 17, 12:14AM EDT0

Have you ever felt inferior being a Thai and your husband being a New Zealander?

Jun 12, 12:09PM EDT0

Sometimes. That because I'm living in New Zealand. I would not feel like that if I'm living in Thailand. I believed in myself that I could make it better.

Jun 17, 12:02AM EDT0

What is the single most trait of your husband that you like the most?

Jun 12, 12:08PM EDT0

Good Brain and leadership. 

Jun 17, 12:20AM EDT0

Have you ever encountered any hilarious situation due to your cultural differences?

Jun 12, 11:20AM EDT0

When I first moved here, I never believed in the way of Kiwis clean the dishes.  They wipe left over food of dishes into a sink where fill up with hot water. Then, fill some hot water up into a sink with 2 drops liquid dishwasher. After that, dip dishes into the prepared water one by one to finish it off. I feel like they are not clean since they don't raise those dishes with the clean water for the last step.

Jun 16, 10:46PM EDT0

Did you ever involve your extended families into your martial differences or challenges?

Jun 12, 11:07AM EDT0

We are trying to not if not neccessary becuase that would creat more challenges to us.

Jun 16, 8:43AM EDT0

What was so special about your husband that you married him despite him being 20 years older than you?

Jun 12, 10:23AM EDT0

I love his brain, maturity, hard working, experiences.  I could see that we can teach each others in different subjects. We can discuss about things even disagree sometimes.  Beside, I love romance, huging and sweet words.  It's hard to get from Thai men because Thai culture is quite reserved.

Last edited @ Jun 16, 4:55PM EDT.
Jun 16, 4:53PM EDT0

Hi! Was it hard for you to learn English?

Jun 12, 8:25AM EDT0

I think it was. It is still. I never seem to be able to stop learning. :(

Jun 14, 10:47AM EDT0

Would you say you are living a happy married life despite the challenges and the problems?

Jun 12, 8:21AM EDT0

Yes, I look at the advantages.  My husband has more time for our family compare to younger men who need to work in companies.  I'm happy about that.;)

Jun 16, 4:48PM EDT0